Oh F-
by TCBN
Summary: (sorry for spelling errors) Along the normal yet chaotic school week, Lauren and Token discover they're being watched... this time its not the aliens! NO GAY PAIRINGS
1. Chapter 1

Mr. Garrison stood at the front of the classroom, writing and talking at the same time. The students could only catch certain numbers such as 1498 and Christopher someone. The class was hardly playing interest, hardly noticing Stan's empty chair or the quiet snort of someone's runny nose. Kenny slowly unscrewed the lid to his glue stick and gave it a sniff.

"Kenny, what are you doing?" Kyle asked in a flat voice'

"I'm sniffing glue" Kenny replied, "I can't seem to get high from it"

"Dude," Kyle face palmed, "It's child friendly glue"

Kenny had a blob of glue on his finger and was about to lick it off, "Really?"

"Yeah" Kyle frowned, "dude, that's pretty gross"

Kenny packed the glue away, smearing the glue on his table to wipe it off his fingers.

"Cat pee" Kenny muttered, "I cat pee or flowers to get high"

"Or the standard illegal drug" Kyle muttered

"Noo ne's going to think a young boy giving a flower a sniff is any weird!" Kenny sharply snapped

"They could think you were gay or something" Kyle replied, "Not that sniffimg flowers is gay or related to the gay orientation"

"I would be gay, if you were looking at it from the other definition. Gay means happy!" Kenny retorted

"Will you two please be quiet!" Mr Garrison snapped, causing the door into the classroom to swing wide open, a stench of whiskey and beer wafted across everyone's noses.

"Bad parenting!" Butters shook his head, "Who let's an 8 year old drink alcohol?"

"Apparently it was perfectly normal for fifteen year olds to drink coffee in the 1960's!" Tweek quibbled as he munched on coffee ground that appeared from nowhere.

"You're bloody eight years OLD!" Lauren screamed, causing everyone to stare at her and return their gaze to the front, watching the front door.

Stan half crawled, half dragged himself into the room, empty can of Southern Comfort in hand.

Lauren couldn't help but stare at the boy helplessly tripping over his feet, dragging himself to Mr Garrison, a late note appearing in his free hand.

"S-Sorry I'm l-" Stan vomited on the ground, stood up and fell backwards.

"Really!?" Kyle's voice rang out

"Really" Lauren deadpanned, not looking at anyone, face palming.

"Get up" Mr Garrison prodded the limp body with his foot, "You're distracting class"

The body didn't move.

"Oh, is he dead?" Wendy squeaked

"Don't be stupid!" Mr Garrison rolled his eyes, putting a finger to his pulse, only to look like he'd been smacked in the face with an anti-gay marriage billboard.

"Oh shit, he's dead!" Mr Garrison squeaked, causing several others to scream in absolute horror.

"Oh fuck" Lauren muttered, jumping from her table and walking out, up to where Token was sitting on a brick wall that encircled the front school court yard.

"Hi" Lauren silently prayed he would act like a normal eight year old

"Hey" Token replied, "Why is everyone screaming?"

"Well…" Lauren looked at the floor, "one of your friends in class… died"

"Who?" Token asked

"Stan?" Lauren said in a questioning voice, unsure if that was actually his name.

"Oh" Token looked taken aback

"Why are you here?" Lauren asked, skipping class

"Cartman has been rude to me about my race so I figured I would plan revenge" Token explained, "So far, I have no ideas"

Lauren sat with Token, giving up on common sense screaming at her to get the bleep back to class.

"What does he do?" Lauren asked


	2. Chapter 2

Token looked deep in thought, unsure how to proclaim his revenge.

"Why do you want revenge so bad?" Lauren asked, ignoring an ambulance that hurtled straight into a wall of the school, crushing the bonnet of the ambulance. Two medics straddled out and wobbled inside.

"Well, uhh" Token listed using each finger as a reason, "He's a racist, sexist, bigoted, manipulating, mentally challenged, greedy, cruel, thoughtless bastard"

"Oh wow" Lauren raised an eyebrow in astonishment, "I haven't even met him yet"

"You don't actually want to" Token shook his head, "he shot me"

"Oh my god!" Lauren nearly fell off the wall they sat on.

"Yep, he's done pretty bad stuff" Token looked at his short feet dangling off the wall.

Something clicked in the distance, similar to the sound of a camera taking a picture. It caused the duo to look around in confusion.

"The hell was that?" Lauren looked worried

"If I knew that answer, I'd be a very rich kid" Token snapped, only to pause, "Wait—uhh, I _am_ rich"

"You are?" Lauren looked at Token with disbelief, "like, extremely rich?"

"Not Brad Pitt rich" Token shook his head, "just richer than some people"

"Oh, I see" Lauren nodded forgetting about the noise, "how lucky"

"Cartman rips on me about that, too" Token shrugged, glancing behind her, only to leap off the wall in fright, eyes wide.

"Token, what-" Lauren turned around, screamed and jumped down, in time to miss a slimy tentacle swipe the brick wall, where Lauren was sitting moments ago.

The massive creature gurgled, lifting it's tentacles up to the sky, slithering atop the wall, giant black beady eyes staring at the two children.

"This isn't happening!" Lauren clasped her head in fright, "This isn't happening!"

"What the fuck is that thing!" Token shrieked as he stared at the squelching thing.

"I don't know! Some alien, maybe!?" Lauren snapped stumbling backwards

"Ahhh!" Token looked around for some form of weapon to defend himself

"It's coming right for us!" Shrieked a not so familiar voice

The duo watched at the slimy alien turned around and stared at the gunman in a green vest and orange hat, it gurgled, spitting out a bullet with a loud pop, as if a champagne bottle had been opened.

"Oh shit!" Jimbo screamed, dropping his pistol and bolted

"Who the hell was that!" Lauren shrieked, watching the alien slowly turn back to them.

"Stan's uncle" Token replied

They started running into the school, alien advancing scarily quickly, bursting through the front doors and oozing forward. The kids bolted for the classroom where Cartman started to scream."Lauren, watch out!" Cartman screamed, "There's a black kid behind you!"

"You racist son of a-" Lauren began, only to be smacked to the ground by a jelly-like alien, muffling her and Token's screams for help and cries of agony.

"Well, you don't see that everyday" Kyle muttered, leaning back in his chair, only to register what was going on, "Oh my god!"

The ceiling detached itself from the classroom, revealing a massive disk like UFO, hovering eerily close to the students and Mr Garrison who stared blankly, white as paper. A massive ray of blue light shot out and zapped the alien into the sky, it's tentacle wrapping itself around Lauren and Token who were thrashing around, screaming in utter horror. Mr Garrison attempted to throw a book at the alien, only for the roof of the classroom to immediately slide back into place, resealing itself, book smack onto the ground. After a moment's silence, Mr Garrison blinked once, twice, turned around.

"And so, the great war ended on…" Mr Garrison resumed his drawl.


	3. Chapter 3

_Matt and Trey were busy watching their artist draw the story for their next show. Suddenly the artist drawing with such deep concentration, if trey called him a dickhead, the artist wouldn't even notice. _

_"Very good" Trey smiled, "good work" _

_"I wouldn't have thought of these ideas myself" Matt shrugged, "I'm so glad we're still a strong show, despite we started in the 1990's" _

_"Oh my god!" the animations artist leapt from his chair, heavily baffled._

_"What? What's the matter?" Trey looked worried, his masterwork of an idea surely couldn't be crumbling now! The audience simply couldn't miss a lovely hilarious episode. The creators leaned over, looking at the computer; the animator raised a shaking finger, eyes wide as saucers._

_"They-" the animator trembled, finger quivering, "They can see me… guys, They can see me…"_

_On the screen, a boy with a purple shirt with a T on it reached up and plucked the pen from the side of the dashboard and started drawing furiously. The girl with frizzy hair motioned for the boy to hurry up, looking at the door behind them. They both looked panicked and the door looked like someone was thumping it, attempting to kick it open. _

In a dark and empty room with no windows, Token groaned as he sat up, rubbing a bruise on his head. Lauren was sitting in the corner, arms hugging her knees to her chest.

"Oh my god, we've been kidnapped" Lauren trembled

"We'll make it, we always do" Token tried to be reassuring

_And the rich black guy saves the day_ Lauren thought, deciding not to say this out loud, after a while's thought she thought it too mean and they _hardly_ knew each other to be taking the piss out of each other yet.

"Hope so" Lauren sighed, "we're in a mysterious place, no one knows where we are and I am sure the town's worried about us, so a search party must be happening"

Token laughed, making Lauren almost have a freak out about how out of context his laughing was.

"The town won't be looking for us" Token explained, "our parents are stupid, everyone in this town is crazy"

"What would the aliens want with us?" Lauren asked, struggling to keep her voice even and calm.

"I don't know, alien kidnappings happen often" Token sighed, as if that was the most normal thing in the world. He sat back down, after kicking a wall and exclaiming in pain.

"Where do you come from?" Token asked, "where, you say people are normal"

"Well…" Lauren looked down, "Everyone ELSE seems normal but not this town"

"I think we get that a lot" Token nodded, "What's the weirdest thing you've heard?"

"Well, some tourist asked me if kangaroos were domestic horses that you ride" Lauren cocked an eyebrow for effect.

"What's a kangaroo?" Token asked, looking genuinely puzzled

"A massive rat with a very painful kick" Lauren tried, mentally slapping herself

"How big?" Token seemed as if he really didn't know, Lauren thought of something relative to a kangaroo's size.

"The size of a horse" Lauren shrugged

"Oh, I see where the horse riding assumption comes from" Token shrugged

"I would love to continue with my knowledge of weird creatures but let's try and get out of here" Lauren stood and walked up to the door, rattling the door handle in frustration.

"I have to admit, I'm pretty tired of the hysteria that happens in this town" Token sighed, only to suck in his breath, seeing the door shudder.

"Agh!" Lauren leapt up, locked the door and backed away, "Holy fuck! We're about to die!"

They turned around; Token froze and stared at a shiny little hole in the corner of the roof.

"What the fuck?" Token walked up to the mysterious thing, "Dude, we're being watched"

"Now isn't the time!" Lauren was on the verge of tears, trembling.

"Lauren, give me a leg up, I think I can get us out of here, the camera has to be attached to wires in the roof, meaning there's a trail of wires running along the roof, out of here" Token explained, watching Lauren slowly walk to Token, eyes wide in horror, "that means, we can escape, I just have to break off the camera, open a hole in the roof"

Lauren knelt down and laced her fingers together, Token put a foot in her hand.

"Please hurry!" Lauren sniffed, tears streaming down her face.

Token vaulted up, snatching at the camera in an attempt to yank it off as he fell back down, instead his hand disappeared through the camera as if it were simply nothing there.

"What the hell?" Token muttered, "It's not tangible"

"AHHH!" Lauren shrieked, shaking in fear, "the aliens are coming!"

"Quick, do it again" Token ordered, she did, watching Token leap off Lauren's handhold, looking determined to strike the camera on the roof. Eventually, Token grabbed onto something.

Token looked up, looking at his hand vanish into a rippling circle like a portal where the camera once was.

"Token? What is that!" Lauren sounded strained, glancing at the door, "we don't have much time!"

Token lifted himself up, face vanishing into the portal. He blinked several times, looking at three men looking at him with bewilderment.

"Son of a bitch" Token snapped, looking around. He could see that everyone looked very different, as if they were realistic or 3D.

"Token?" a voice asked, a ginormous hand reaching for his head. Quickly, Token looked around and saw an icon that looked like a pencil, grabbing ahold of that, he dropped back down, into the cell.

"Lauren" Token caught Lauren's attention, "Can you think of a weapon?"

"L-like what!" Lauren stammered, staring at the twenty feet tall pencil in Token's arms.

"I don't know" Token began, only to see Lauren's eyes to light up, as if an idea just slid into mind.


	4. Chapter 4

"A boomerang" Lauren whispered, covering her mouth in astonishment, "that is the most genius idea I have come up with"

"A boomerang!?" Token spat, "and what the hell will that do!"

"Just draw it, Token!" Lauren Googled a picture of a boomerang on her iPhone and watched as Token drew a replica of the photo.

"Hurry up!" Lauren shrieked, breathing becoming ragged

"I'm drawing as fast as I can! I don't even know what a boomerang IS!" Token spat, furiously straining as he willed the pencil to move on the floor.

"Just draw it!" Lauren snapped, sweat beading her forehead.

Token finished his drawing, sighing at his work of art. Lauren leapt for the boomerang drawing and a flash of amazement appeared on her face, as the boomerang became a real wooden boomerang, waxed and polished, lined with stereotypical Aboriginal paintings. She slowly walked to the door and slid it under the door, causing the thumping on the door to stop abruptly.

"Lauren! What the hell!?" Token screamed, watching Lauren unlatch the door and shakily turn around.

"Get back, Token!" Lauren ran to the back of the room, yanking Token down to the floor, they sat in the corner, eyes wide in fear. The door swung open with a loud creak. The aliens slithered through the door. The biggest of the aliens clutched onto the boomerang in its tentacle.

_Humans…._ It salivated _Dirty humans_

Token shut his eyes, covering his face in fear, where as Lauren stared stonily back at the alien with the boomerang, unmoving. Token opened one eye, to see the alien raise the boomerang above it's head and throw it like a knife.

000

_"The one amazing thing about traditional weaponry in Australian culture" a tour guide smiled at the crowd of young children, and a teacher deeply concentrating on her mobile phone, uninterested. _

_"Is the boomerang" the guide explained, looking around himself looking very smug, "Now, children. Can anyone explain to me what the boomerang is?"_

_None of the kids replied or put up their hand. The tour guide looked very happy that he was yet again, educating another group of kids about a traditional culture that had been ransacked and transformed by the fleets. _

_A seven-year-old Lauren looked at the man with a stubble in half bored and a vaguely interested manner. She dropped her jaw at the look of the mysteriously flat bent wooden stick. _

_"This" the tour guide smiled as if he was holding the Holy Grail, "Has the ability to return to its owner after being thrown at prey while hunting"_

000

Ears and eyes covered, a rush of air whooshed over the children's heads. After a moment, Alex opened her eyes and sighed with relief.

"Token?" Lauren whispered, shaking Token who had his eyes squeezed shut, hands over his ears, shaking.

"Is it over?" Token croaked, trembling.

"A part of it is" Lauren smiled, taking Token's hands off his ears, "look"

Token opened his eyes and stared at the doorway. All three aliens who once stood menacingly at the doorway lay on the ground, motionless. Their heads had been decapitated. One of the heads had landed at their feet, wiry cords of blood and guts dangled from it's mangled neck, onto the floor.

"But" Token croaked, "He had a stick"

"You've got a bald spot" Lauren giggled, pointing at Token's scalp

"Ahh!" Token clasped the top of his head, part of his hair had been sawn off by the boomerang, which lay on it's side in the doorway.

"We should get moving" Lauren stood, brushing herself off, "we should move quickly"

Token followed her out the door, looking miserable as he felt the top of his head, were a circular patch of shortish hair now appeared. They walked over the corpses and sneaked slowly down the halls.


	5. Chapter 5

Lauren and Token stood outside the cell, looking around for aliens. They could hear the soft squelching of other aliens walking around in other parts of the spacecraft but no alien was in sight.

"Token, what was that thing? That camera?" Lauren asked, facing him

"I think it was a portal" Token explained, "I think I know what it was"

"Well, can you tell me?" Lauren pressed, nervous and interested to know

"I think I know so much weird stuff has happened in our town" Token began, "some one made our world using paper and cut-outs"

"Huh?" Lauren was mystified, "are you telling me someone brought this place to life?"

"Yeah" Token looked at his feet, "someone managed to animate our world for personal entertainment"

"You think getting kidnapped by aliens and having some annoying fat kid rip on you is ENTERTAINING!?" Lauren spat

"Not me" Token pointed upwards, "them"

"Oh" Lauren looked worried, "So you're telling me… we're a show? A show for other people to laugh and ridicule!?"

"Lauren, it's true" Token looked tired, suddenly, "I saw the world on the other side. They look very different to us. And… I saw a picture of me and some other guys on a poster behind them… the animators"

"Oh my god… we.. we're a show!?" Lauren gasped, "It all makes sense, now! We're just a form of entertainment!"

Token looked at her blankly, "huh?"

"All of this crazy stuff in our town!" Lauren grinned, "we're being watched due to the uncanny events in our town"

"O- okay let's just get out of here" Token shrugged, Lauren following along.

They walked across the landing, sneaking past a doorway to a group of aliens squelching and gurgling at each other. They walked to a door with a picture of an alien escaping a spaceship via pod.

"Maybe we can use one of these" Lauren whispered

"Probably, but it could generate noise, bring attention to us" Token replied in a whisper

"Let's try" Lauren pleaded in a whisper, "please, there's no other way"

"Fine, if this fails, it's your fault" Token opened the door slowly, peeking through, motioning for Lauren to follow. Through the door, was a long narrow hallway, with five chutes that led to an open cylinder that looked out to the starry night of outer space.

"Lets do this" Lauren leapt for one of the pods, Token hot on her heels, they dived for a pod and sat down, quiet, listening for any sounds.

Token turned around to look on the dials on the side of the pod. There was a large button named EARTH among other planet names. He pressed the button, muttering about how easy that was.

"Oh thank god!" Lauren sighed with relief

"We're alive!" Token, swept up with such relief, kissed Lauren who responded with a scowl which Token blinked in confusion.

"Try that again in a few years time, Token" Lauren deadpanned, wiping her mouth, only to turn around and scream at an alien's face pressed up against the entryway door, gurgling loudly.

_AHH! Breeding humans! _The alien bubbled, slime and saliva smearing the glass. _Humans! HUMANNNS! _It gurgled, pressing an unseen button, causing an alarm to blare. Flashing red lighted sirens warning danger.

"Oh crap!" Lauren gasped pressing herself against the wall, "we set off the alarm!"

"We'll be fine!" Token shouted, slamming a fist again on the EARTH button repeatedly, growing frustrated.

"Move!" Token snapped, "go, you stupid pod!"

Lauren watched through the glass window, a gridded door slowly whirred open, readying itself for the exit of the miniature pod.

_MULTI COLOURED HUMANS! _The alien shrieked, watching the pod explode out of the spaceship's exit and plunge at top speed, towards Earth.


	6. Chapter 6

At the bust stop, Kenny, Cartman and Kyle stood, shivering against the heavy snowfall. The sky was dark grey due to the rapid fire of snow and the road was glassy with a sheet of ice.

"Jesus, I can't believe Stan's dead" Kyle looked at his feet

"We're losing our friends" Cartman sounded genuinely sad, "First the new girl, then Stan, then his gay dog"

"You didn't even care about any of them!" Kyle retorted

"Well" Kenny began, lifting a mitt to make a point

"Well?" Kyle looked at Kenny, waiting for his reply

Kenny slowly looked upwards, started to curse as a large escape pod hurtled from the sky. It crushed Kenny to death, spewing blood onto a white faced Kyle and Cartman.

"Oh my god! You killed Kenny!" Kyle gasped, eyes wide with horror

"You bastards!" Cartman replied, only to scratch his head, confused, "That didn't sound right"

Slowly, someone opened a door with great difficulty. Out came Lauren who wheezed for air, stumbling to the pavement as Token clambered out the door and slid to the ground.

"Where the hell were you?" Cartman asked

"We got kidnapped by aliens" Lauren sighed, wiping sweat from her brow

"And I think the aliens discovered multicolored humans, I don't entirely know what that is"

"Different races of people" Kyle explained, "They must've seen you two and said multicolored due to your different skin tones"

"Hell" Lauren straightened up, "This town is kinda f-"

A ufo slammed into the road in front of them, smashing into smithereens, denting the road as it collided.

_Automated Self Destruct Sequence now ended_

Said an automated voice from the UFO.

"Whose going to be alive to even hear that?" Token laughed

The others shrugged in response.

"You shouldn't be standing with us, Token" Cartman snidely remarked

"Why?" Token asked, looking annoyed

"Well because you're b-" Cartman fell over, resulting from a punch from Kyle

"I see they fight often?" Lauren asked, watching them break out into a fist fight.

"Yep" Token popped the P in the word, cocking an eyebrow

"Well" Lauren sighed, "It IS South Park"


	7. chapter 7

Token touched the bald spot on his head, looking very upset about the unfortunate turn of events for his head.

"You should probably shave your head, dude" Lauren looked at Token

"Well-" Token was about to say how he'd wear a cap when Cartman gasped loudly

"Oh my god! Token, you're balding! Hahahaha! Black people always go bals so young!" Cartman guffawed, causing Token to fume, dodging Kyle's angry tight fisted punch

"Shut up, Cartman!" Kyle, Token and Lauren screamed angrily

"Hay, chill out everyone! Especially you, Token, you N-"

Token shot Cartman such a cold death stare that the rest of the word didn't even come out of his mouth.

"Did you say the N word!?" Kyle gasped

"What? It's not like we don't say fuck or shit in every second word we utter" Cartman retorted

"Oh" Kyle shrugged, "did you see anything cool in space?"

"Large aliens?" Kenny appeared from nowhere, "large things on their shoulders?"

"Dude, where- did you-" Lauren looked around, "Never mind"

"And why does Token have a-" Kyle looked at Token take out an electric razor begin shaving his head, "bald spot?"

"I got some of my hair taken off by a…" Token couldn't remember the name, "bent wooden stick" Token finished

"Huh?" Kyle cocked an eyebrow

"That's not the point, we discovered" Token gathered his fallen hair from the pavement and chucked it in a nearby bin, "we're being watched"

"By the aliens? Yeah we knew that" Kyle shrugged

"No" Lauren did a double take, "wait the aliens are watching us!?"

"Were" Kyle said, "Cartman got probed and Earth nearly ended"

"That isn't the point!" Token snapped

"with the bald spot, You look like a real N-" Cartman began, only to have Cartman shoved over by Token

"There is a show! About us!" Token subconsciously touched his now bald head, he explained the whole story of the alien spacecraft,

"Haha, multicolored humans!" Cartman laughed


	8. Chapter 8

Tweek stared at his TV from the couch, coffee mug steaming in his hands as per usual.

"I…" He sipped the coffee, "I see them"

Tweek got off his couch, walking to the blank TV. Staring hard at the empty vast blackness. He squinted his eyes, deep into the center of the TV; he could just faintly make out a small pea sized red blip.

"They're watching me" he whispered, "They can see me"

_Matt and Trey sat on the couch, watching the blonde kid tremble and mutter to himself, a screen featured a close up of Tweek sipping coffee and muttering to himself, staring out of the TV, wide eyes searching for answers. _

_"Oh my god" Trey gasped, "They're discovering who they are!"_

_"Don't be stupid!" one of the script writers laughed, "I think who ever discovered this whole oh look my characters have feelings idea is a fuckin' genius!"_

_"No" Trey pointed at the screen, "I don't think that's scripted"_

"Agh!" Tweek was running up the pavement, where the group stood at the bus stop.

"What's the matter?" Kyle aske4d, pocketing his hands

Tweek trembled, "They can see me"

"Who'se them?" Kyle asked

"You know! Them!" Tweek shrieked in a high voice

"Don't be daft!" Lauren laughed, only to realize what Token had just told them, "wait, what?"

"I swear!" Token's voice sounded strained, "I-"

Clyde walked over causally, looking at his ipod. He glanced at Tweek ripping a tuft of haur out of his scalp, he looked at the others sporting confused expressions and stared at Token's new hairstyle.

"Why is Token bald?" Clyde asked

"We're being watched!" Tweek screamed, jumping on the spot

"By who?" Clyde looked over his shoulder, unsure what they were referring to

"Them!" Tweek screamed

"Who-" Kyle began, only to be cut off

"Wait, you mean you just discovered you're just a TV show?" Clyde asked, cocking an eyebrow

"YES!" everyone shrieked

"Wait, wha-" Lauren blinked, "we're being watched by…"

_"Wait, WHAT!?" Matt and Trey bellowed at the screen, jaws dropping to the floor and bouncing._

"Wait, WHAT!" everyone except Lauren and Token shouted

"That explains everything!" Token gasped

"Oh my god! We're a fucking TV SHOW!" Kyle screeched

"Eugh! they watch us shower, sleep and eat?" Lauren groaned

"And doing the nasty" Kenny interjected

"Look, we just need to find out why we're a show!"

"No we don't" Kyle piped up, "Don't you see?"

"Agh, bot one of your gay lesson's Kahl, I've-" Lauren and Token practically shoved Cartman so hard he fell and lost consciousness.

"Sorry, what were you saying, Kyle?" Lauren pressed

_Kyle moved towards the screen, Matt and Trey's jaws were still on the floor from surprise._

_"I learnt something today" Kyle said_

_"More like, I discovered it" Token interjected_

_"Don't you see? Everyone's privacy is being invaded online" Kyle went on, "we' should be used to having security cameras, paparazzi and even photo bomb photos of us"_

_"That's the stupidest explanation I've ever heard" Clyde said in a dead pan voice, off screen_

_"Look!" Kyle was getting annoyed, grasping his hat and pulling it down, "we're in a fucked up part of the world! We live in it! We just need to carry on as per usual!"_

_"Okay, okay just hold on a minute!" Lauren interrupted, "In't this the nature of South Park?"_

_"Yep" everyone deadpanned, ignoring a piece of flying debris that crushed Kenny to the ground in a bloody mess once again. _

"And you know what?" Lauren smiled, "Maybe a normal lifestyle is pretty boring, after all"


	9. Chapter 9

_We did it!" Trey exclaimed, "We managed to create such a depth of personality that the show is able to run on it's own"_

_"Who the hell is Lauren?" Matt asked_

_"I don't know, the show generates itself stuff like that" Trey shrugged _

"So" Cartman stood up, after a brief black out, "now what?"

"We continue as per usual" Kyle shrugged

"Why is anyone not in the slightest bit affected by Stan's death?" Lauren asked, "Or Kenny!?"

They all shrugged, not entirely responding in horror or grief.

"Hey you guys" Cartman cut in, "Don't you hate it when the credits begin rolling, cutting a character off mid sentence on TV?"

"…You're just like _Family Guy,_ Cartman" Kyle remarked after a lengthy silence

"Don't you EVER" Cartman seethed, "Compare me to F-"

"Hey, guys?" Clyde interrupted, ignoring Cartman's seething expression, ""You do know that there's also a website that writes stories about us, too. About the show, I mean"

"I'm not that interested in it" Kyle shrugged

"Let's play video games on my third-hand wii console I stole from a second hand shop" Kenny grinned, "it was pre owned and its owned by me, thus it's third hand"

"Third ha-" Lauren did a double take, "How the hell do you keep returning like that!?"

Kenny just shrugged.

"Your clothes are probably five million-hand!" Cartman spat

"That makes no sense" Kyle shook his head

"The bus is taking awfully long to arrive" Token looked at his watch, "Oh, it's Saturday"

"Screw you guys, I am going home" Cartman muttered, stalking home

"If we screwed each other, our orientations would be in question" Kenny remarked

"Shuddup, Kenny!" Cartman snapped, annoyed


	10. Chapter 10

Kyle was watching TV at home, a tissue held to his nose, he sniffed. He couldn't understand why his super best friend was dead. He replayed the episode where Stan drunkenly walked in the school and passed out. A knock softly sounded through the house.

"Hello?" Kyle opened the door, wiping his nose

"Hi" Lauren looked at her feet, "I have an idea that could bring Stan back"

"You do?" Kyle's eyes brightened

"Yeah" Lauren smiled at him, "you see, we just have to write Stan into the show"

"Huh? Kyle sniffed, what do you mean?"

Lauren grinned, stepped past Kyle and walked up to the TV, placed a hand on the screen and detached the monitor, revealing a soft red blip in the center of a camera.

"As a going-away present" Lauren pointed at the camera, "I may as well make you happy again"

"I'm not following" Kyle said

"You just need to walk into the monitor after working hours, go to the computer and write Stan Marsh into the script" Lauren explained, "and while you're at it, I kinda would like if you erased me from this town"

"So, when should I go?" Kyle asked, getting another tissue to blow his nose

"At night where everyone's sleeping" Lauren walked out the house, not looking back

000

_Kyle blinked several times, standing in front of the TV, staring at the monitors that lined the walls. Glancing at his watch, he made for a computer, light on his feet. He opened SCRIPT EDITOR and set up an episode_

_STAN ARRIVES TO SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY ALIVE AND WELL_

_Kyle froze, blinking at the screen, heart thumping in his ribcage _

_LAUREN_

_Kyle sucked in a shaky breath of air _

_NEVER EXISTED _

_Kyle eventually worked out, if she never existed, Token would probably be dead. He re-wrote the line_

_LAUREN MOVED AWAY, BACK TO AUSTRAL-_

_Kyle quickly deleted the line and typed something on the computer, smiling at his work. He then sprung off the seat and leapt through the TV screen, leaving the desktop alight, reading_

_LAUREN IS HAPPY IS SOUTH PARK_

_000_

At the bus stop the four boys plus Lauren waited for their bus. Kyle realized Stan was next to him.

"Stan!" Kyle embraced his best friend forever, hugging so tight, Stan nearly fell over

"Uh, course I'm alive" Stan smiled awkwardly, "I've missed you, too"

Lauren smiled at no one in particular.

"I'm sure glad everything turned out alright" Lauren said

\THE END/


End file.
